Who am I beyond my problems, concerns, interests and desires? When my problem is solved, what is present in that sense of relief or peace that arises? Might it not be the case that this Presence of peace is there all the time?
I must be Present in order to be "present to" whatever it is that concerns me at the moment. There is a difference between the Presence and what I am 'present to' in the moment. If there were no difference or distinction between the "thing experienced" and the "experiencer", then there would be no experience as such. "I" would not be there at all; "I" would not be. There would only be an 'experiencing' not known by anyone or anything.
But when I can distinguish what I am as Presence that makes it possible for a thing to be experienced and therefore for me to have an experience, then I am closer to knowing myself as my true Self. But when what I am as Presence is lost to experience as in a dream, then I have lost my true Self.
In a dream, let us say a bad dream, my true Self which can choose and move itself in and out of an experience, is lost to the events of the dream. Even though obviously I am the dreamer I am not aware of myself as dreamer being "present." Even if I am a character in the dream, I do not notice that it is also my "self" which is dreaming about my self as a character in the dream. I appear as the character at the mercy of the momentum of the dream. There is only an "experiencing" in the dream without a real "thing experienced" or a real "experiencer." In the dream, I in my true being am not really present. That is, the Presence which enables the dream is lost to the "presence" of the dream. I become the thing dreamed without reality or dreamer being present in their being.
The dream takes place in my mind but I don't know that it's a function of my mind or at least that part of my mind which is not conscious. So without a conscious Presence the "real" becomes a 'thing' of my mind collapsing things and thinker to the mental flux of the dream world. Whether the dream is painful or pleasant, reality and the knower are still absent. Only when I "wake up" can the unreality and the loss of self be realized and reflected upon.
One might argue that still the pleasant dream is to be preferred over the painful dream. There is some truth to this if in fact we want to live in a "dream world" in which we not only prefer the pleasant but in which we must either hope the pleasant remains or that we can continue to create a pleasant world. But good luck with that and how is that working out for you? Is it not the case that in both the painful and pleasant dream, both the real and the Self are not there in their Presence. I am not there in my Presence as experiencer but only as a pleasant object.
The latter, of course, is the basis of addiction. I lose sight of my pure presence and become identified with pleasant experiences and the apparent things that "cause" them. I think that what I am and what I want or should want is a life of pleasure of one form or another. And I live a life of pursuing it. So both pleasure and pain are dreamlike. In both I do not know myself as "experiencer." I am lost to experience and the reality of the thing experienced.
But just as the unconscious mind takes over in the dream, is it not the case that the unconscious mind has unbeknownst to us, taken over in the wakeful state of mind. We believe we are 'awake' because we are not sleeping or dreaming. But is not the wakeful, mind-created experience one which also works to leave out the real and the knower of the real. Do I not in fact lose my Presence to 'being present to' what the mind has come to believe is real. Do I in fact not lose my Presence to a mind-mediated reality in which the real and the self (the knower, the thinker) become lost in the momentum of "unconsciously" produced experience. We may continue to think we are in the present of the real; we may think that we in our own reality are present. But are we?
Could it not be the case that "wakefulness" is a higher order of "dream" only in that it is now "ordered" by the rational mind, giving names and forms, past and future to something which is not necessarily of the nature of that order. Whether pleasant or painful, wakefulness is not the "real" or the "realizer," the knower/thinker/creator. Wakefulness is being lost to the rationalized or irrational momentum of mental order?
But is there any more freedom in the wakefulness than there is in the dream? Is the chaotic order of the dream any more essentially real than the logically rational order of wakefulness? Is there not a possible Presence of Self which transcends both "orders" and is the locus of living freedom, of true and real Self, of the peace that passeth all understanding?
Can we not wake up from the "dream" of wakefulness and become aware of the Presence in which living Consciousness abides as real, permanent and the embodiment of the I am that I am in Truth, beyiond names and forms?
After all, what is it that never changes and provides the background against which all changes may be known whether as mere psychological memory or even as history or science. Is not the field of knowledge and the knower of the field always distinguishable while the knower yet remains unchanged. If, however, the knower is defined or objectified as part of the field itself, then the Presence of the Freedom of Knowledge is reduced to the "dream" of objective knowledge.
We may continue to "believe in" and thereby use objective knowledge; we may continue to be a player in the field and one may choose to characterize oneself as one of the objective forms. Yet will I be Present to this created self or will I lose this Presence, this true Self, to this character that I choose and create in the field of play. Can I be "realized" in the game; or can I only play the game, consciously, freely, knowing it is only a game. The rules and players of the game may change. But the being that I am need not ever change. I am that I am which is the Presence making all things present to me whether in things in the world or things in my mind. They are mine. But whether they are mine in the dream or in the reality of the Presence of Self make all the difference between Truth and Illusion.
The world is a beautiful and horrific illusion whose power holds sway at all times. The question becomes whether I remain enamored and/or horrified? Or whether I see the Presence beyond beings and even beyond the being of beings? Will I become a being or "thing" among other things? Or, will I wake up from the dream of sleep and the dream of wakefulness to experience the Presence of True Self?
If I do awaken, will I then have the Peace I mentioned at the beginning of this writing as when we solve a problem or achieve a desire? When we are relieved of our burden? Is there a Peace which passeth all understanding and within and as which we may abide, free from the suffered things of the mind and the dominating created world.
There is such a peace but it is not one that we have. It is the peace that we are when the dreamed and desired Self is transcended and we awaken to the absolute Presence, the permanent silent stillness of the Eternality of the Life source itself. This is Satsangh, the living communion with Truth and Reality and the Bliss of Divine, Sacred Meditation.
Join me in Satsangh and be welcome to that place beyond judgement and condemnation. Come home to your true Self, the Eden of Eternality.
